"Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy."

In this episode of WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, dives into the double-edged nature of comparison and its impact on our mindset. While comparison can fuel growth and inspiration, it can just as easily steal our joy when it becomes a measure of our worth.

Deanna unpacks how comparison, amplified by negativity bias, can leave us feeling inadequate and stuck. But with practical reframes, tools for self-reflection, and strategies to celebrate our own progress, she shares how to transform comparison from a joy-thief into a catalyst for growth.

What Listeners Will Learn:

• Why comparison is natural and how it impacts our self-perception
• How negativity bias magnifies feelings of inadequacy
• Practical ways to reframe comparison from discouragement to inspiration
• How to turn jealousy into curiosity and motivation
• Simple strategies to track your progress and celebrate your wins

Memorable Quotes:

• “Comparison is the thief of joy (Theodore Roosevelt) —when it pulls our attention away from our own path.”
• “Jealousy is just unspoken desire. Instead of letting it bring you down, let it guide you forward.”
• “Comparison steals our joy when we use it to measure our worth instead of our growth.”
• “I am not behind. I am not less than. I am exactly where I need to be.”
• “Let your journey, your resilience, and your growth be the proof of your Possible.”

This episode inspires listeners to shift their perspective on comparison, turning it from a source of self-doubt into a roadmap for personal growth and joy.

Your WORDS MATTER because YOU MATTER.

❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of WORDS MATTER. If you've been following along, you know we just wrapped up our FOCUS series—four powerful episodes about shifting our perspective, directing our energy towards what matters, and learning to embrace the journey.

In this episode, we're diving into something that builds on that conversation, but also stands on its own as one of the most significant mindset shifts we can make: the power—and the danger—of comparison.

You've probably heard the phrase, "Comparison is the thief of joy." It's often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, and it’s a simple truth with a profound impact. But here’s the thing—comparison isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it can be an incredible motivator, a tool for inspiration, and a way to push ourselves toward growth. But it can also steal our joy. It can rob us of our confidence and leave us feeling inadequate.

So, how do we tell the difference?

You have to know that comparison is natural. It’s hardwired into us. From an evolutionary standpoint, these brains of ours are designed to scan for threats, analyze social standing, and determine where we fit in. In the past, this survival mechanism—knowing how we compared to others in terms of strength, skills, and resources—meant the difference between survival and struggle.

But today, comparison is everywhere—social media, workplaces, friendships, even strangers on the street. We see the highlight reels of other people’s lives and, without even realizing it, we measure ourselves against them. Someone is more successful than we are. Someone is fitter, wealthier, happier, more put together. Someone makes something look easy while we struggle behind the scenes.

And this is where negativity bias kicks in.

Negativity bias is the tendency for our brains to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. Studies show that we process negative information faster and more deeply than positive information.

What does this mean for comparison?

It means that when we compare ourselves to others, we’re more likely to focus on where we fall short rather than where we excel. If we get ten compliments but one critique, we obsess over that critique. If we achieve something great but see someone else achieve more, we feel like our success isn’t enough. If we’re making progress but someone else seems further ahead, we convince ourselves that we’re behind.

Comparison—amplified by negativity bias—can rob us of our ability to appreciate our own journey and where we’re at.

But here’s the shift: comparison doesn’t have to steal our joy. It can fuel it—if we use it correctly.

Comparison steals our joy when we use it to measure our worth instead of our growth. When we let it discourage us instead of inspire us. When we compare our behind-the-scenes struggles to someone else’s highlight reel. When we allow it to create feelings of envy, resentment, or self-doubt.

But comparison can inspire us when we see someone’s success and think, “If they can do it, I can too!” When we learn from others instead of tearing ourselves down. When we use it as a guide for growth, not a tool for self-criticism. When we focus on collaboration over competition.

Think about a time when someone’s success lit a fire in you. Maybe it was a friend who hit a milestone you’re working towards. Maybe it was seeing someone else overcome a challenge similar to yours. Did it make you feel motivated or did it make you feel less than?

That reaction, friends, is within your control.

The key to making comparison work for you—and not against you—is strengthening your own self-worth and confidence. And here are some ways to do that.

First, reframe your perspective.
Instead of thinking, “They’re ahead of me,” think, “They’re showing me what’s possible.”
Instead of thinking, “I’ll never be that successful,” think, “That’s proof success at that level exists, and I can work towards that too.”

Second, curate your input.
If scrolling through social media leaves you feeling inadequate, take control of your content. Follow people who uplift you, educate you, and motivate you. Unfollow accounts that trigger negative comparison. Comparison is often fueled by what we allow ourselves to consume. Choose wisely.

Third, turn jealousy into curiosity.
When you feel jealousy creeping in, don’t shame yourself for it. Get curious. Ask yourself:
“What about this person’s life or success is making me feel this way?”
“Is it something I actually want, or is it just something I think I should want?”
“If I do want it, what small steps can I take today to move towards it?”
Jealousy is just unspoken desire. Instead of letting it bring you down, let it guide you forward.

Fourth, celebrate your progress.
We’ve talked about it before—bankable wins—in episode three of our FOCUS series, where we reframed failure as feedback. If you missed that one, I highly recommend going back to check it out because we dive deep into how powerful your wins can be when you recognize and track them.

Let me share a practical way for you to keep track of your wins right here, right now. You can either keep a notebook specifically for wins, or if you already journal, turn to the very last page and list your wins out there, filling up the pages at the back. That way, when you finish that journal, you’ll have loads of wins to look back on and remind yourself of everything you’ve accomplished and overcome. On your hardest days, you can pull that out and see your progress staring right back at you in your own handwriting.

Friends, comparison isn’t the problem. It’s how we use it that determines whether it inspires us or steals our joy. Because as the quote goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy”—when it pulls our attention away from our own path.

So ask yourself:
“Am I using comparison as a weapon against myself or as a roadmap to my Possible?”
“Am I letting negativity bias magnify where I fall short, or am I choosing to focus on my progress, my strengths, and my own unique journey?”

My amazing friend, listen up! When this episode is over, I want you to go to the closest mirror. Put both hands on it, look yourself in the eyes, and say:

• “I am not behind.”
• “I am not less than.”
• “I am exactly where I need to be.”
• “I am proud of how far I’ve come.”
• “I am stronger than I give myself credit for.”
• “I am worthy of every good thing coming my way.”
• “I am becoming my healthiest self—mind, body, and soul—one step at a time.”

Going forward, you can choose to no longer compare yourself to anyone else in an envious way. Instead of allowing comparison to steal one more moment of your joy, become your own greatest inspirer. Let your journey, your resilience, and your growth be the proof of your Possible. Because that’s the only comparison that truly matters—the one that shows you how far you’ve come, how much you’ve grown, and how unstoppable you truly are.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear, and the words we say to ourselves and about ourselves—about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it—they all matter.

Your WORDS MATTER because YOU MATTER.

Thank you so much for being here. I’ll talk to you next time. Have a great day!