"Confidence Comes From Keeping The Promises You Make To Yourself."

In this episode of WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, kicks off a brand-new series on self-confidence—what it is, how we lose it, and how to build it back stronger than ever before.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. And at the core of that process is self-trust. When you consistently keep the promises you make to yourself, you reinforce your own reliability, creating a foundation of unshakable confidence.

Deanna breaks down why self-trust matters, how incongruence erodes confidence, and the simple, practical steps you can take today to start rebuilding belief in yourself.

What Listeners Will Learn:

• Why confidence is built, not given
• How breaking promises to yourself damages self-trust
• The role of congruence in confidence-building
• How to shift from "I want to be confident" to actually becoming confident
• A step-by-step framework for strengthening self-belief

Memorable Quotes:

• "Confidence comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself." - Ed Mylett
• "Think about it… If you had a friend who constantly told you they’d show up, but then flaked out, would you trust them? Of course not. Yet we do this to ourselves all the time."
• "Every time we break a promise to ourselves—whether it’s skipping that workout we swore we’d do, hitting snooze instead of getting up early, or telling ourselves we’ll start Monday—we chip away at our own confidence."
• "Your brain keeps score." - Brendon Burchard
• "When we act in alignment with who we say we want to be, our confidence grows."
• "Confidence isn’t built in a day. But every day, with every promise kept, you are strengthening that foundation."
• "The goal isn’t perfection; it’s proof. Proof to yourself that you can follow through."

This episode inspires listeners to take action, proving to themselves—one promise at a time—that they are capable, trustworthy, and confident in who they are becoming.

Your WORDS MATTER because YOU MATTER.

❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

Welcome back, friends, to another episode of WORDS MATTER. Today, we're beginning a brand-new series—one that has the potential to change everything about the way you see yourself, the way you show up, and the way you move through life.

For the next several episodes, we’re diving deep into the foundation of self-confidence—what it is, how we lose it, and most importantly, how we can build it back stronger than ever before.

Because confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It isn’t something you magically wake up with one day. It is built. And it’s built the same way everything in life is built—one choice at a time, one action at a time, and one step at a time.

Which brings us to today’s quote:
"Confidence comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself."

This quote is widely shared by Ed Mylett—one of my absolute favorite podcasters, authors, and speakers—and it cuts straight to the heart of confidence.

We spend so much time thinking confidence is about talent, genetics, or even luck. But it’s not. Confidence is actually about trust. And that trust is built—or broken—by the way we show up for ourselves.

Think about it… If you had a friend who constantly told you they’d show up, but then flaked out, would you trust them? Of course not. Yet we do this to ourselves all the time.

We set goals, make commitments, and tell ourselves we’re going to do something. And then, when the time comes, we don’t follow through.

Every time we break a promise to ourselves—whether it’s skipping that workout we swore we’d do, hitting snooze instead of getting up early, or telling ourselves we’ll start Monday—we chip away at our own confidence.

Not because we failed at the thing itself, but because we’re training our brain not to trust our own word.

And here’s the kicker—our brain keeps score.

Another one of my faves, Brendon Burchard, talks about this when he teaches about congruence—how confidence isn’t just about what we think or say, but how aligned we are in our thoughts, words, and actions.

When we act in alignment with who we say we want to be, our confidence grows.

But when we consistently act out of alignment—when we are incongruent—we erode our own self-trust. And I know this to be true, not just from my own life, but because I’ve seen firsthand how incongruence can destroy trust.

Years ago, one of my best friends, Ranette, and I were part of something that time and time again said one thing but did another. And when something keeps proving to you that it isn’t what it claims to be, trust begins to shatter. It became nearly impossible to believe in it anymore.

And here’s the thing—we do this to ourselves every single day, sometimes without even realizing it.

We say we’re committed to something, but we don’t follow through. We tell ourselves we want to be a certain kind of person, but our actions tell a completely different story. And over time, that creates this disconnect—one that makes it really hard to trust ourselves, believe in ourselves, or feel confident in our ability to follow through.

Friends, it’s gut check time.

• Are there areas of your life where your actions don’t match up with what you say you want?
• Do you catch yourself saying, “I really want this!” but then your behavior tells a completely different story?
• Are you setting goals but not taking real steps toward them?
• Are you constantly breaking promises to yourself, even the small ones?
• Are you showing up in a way today that Tomorrow’s You will be proud of?

Because being incongruent doesn’t just feel bad—it destroys our confidence. It leaves us feeling frustrated, stuck, and questioning whether we’re capable of making real change. It creates that deep, nagging sense of “I can’t trust myself anymore,” which makes it even harder to move forward.

But there’s good news.

You CAN change this.

And that brings us back to the framework we’ll be walking through in this self-confidence series—one that will take you from wanting confidence to actually building it.

I CAN. I WILL. I MUST. I AM. I DID.

Each one of these statements represents a crucial step in the journey of self-confidence. Over the next several episodes, we’ll explore them one by one:

• I CAN – the belief in possibility
• I WILL – the commitment to action
• I MUST – the purpose and persistence
• I AM – the identity and embodiment
• I DID – the achievement and reflection

But it all starts with keeping promises to yourself, friends.

Because if you don’t trust your own word—if your brain is keeping score and you’re constantly letting yourself down—no amount of motivational quotes, self-affirmations, or podcasts about confidence is going to fix it.

So how do we start? How do we begin rebuilding that trust in ourselves?

First, just start small.

If you’ve been breaking promises to yourself for years, don’t try to overhaul your entire life overnight. Pick one thing—just one—and commit to it.

It could be as simple as drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s proof. Proof to yourself that you can follow through.

Second, make your promises visible.

Write them down. Say them out loud. Make them real. Your brain will take them more seriously if they exist outside of just your thoughts.

Third, focus on identity, not just action.

Don’t just say, “I’m going to the gym three times this week.” Say, “I am someone who takes care of my body.”
Don’t just say, “I’m going to speak up more at work.” Say, “I am someone who uses my voice with confidence.”

When you frame your commitments as part of who you are instead of just what you do, they become easier to follow through on.

Fourth, celebrate every win.

I feel like a broken record about this, but self-confidence is built through evidence.

The more evidence you collect that you are the kind of person who keeps their word, the stronger your self-trust will become.

And when you slip up—which you will, because you’re human—don’t throw in the towel. Recognize it, reset, and then keep moving forward.

Finally, stay congruent.

If something feels off in your life—if you feel that gnawing sense that something just isn’t right—it might be because your actions aren’t aligning with what you truly value.

Pay attention to those feelings. Let them be the guide that brings you back to yourself.

Confidence isn’t built in a day. But every day, with every promise kept, you are strengthening that foundation.

So here’s what I want you to do when this episode ends:

1. Pick one small promise that you’re going to keep today. Just one.
2. Write it down, say it out loud, then do it.
3. After you follow through, celebrate the heck out of yourself for doing it.
4. Then do it again.

Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you’re proving that you are capable, that you are reliable, that you are someone who follows through.

And that’s how confidence isn’t just built—it’s reinforced, strengthened, and made unshakable.

It’s how you step into the Possible YOU—the one who doesn’t just hope for confidence but lives it because you know you’re worth it.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear, and the words we say to ourselves about ourselves—about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it—they all matter.

Your WORDS MATTER because YOU MATTER.

Thanks so much for listening and for being here. I’ll see you next week, where we’ll dive into that first pillar of confidence—I CAN.

Until then, have a great day!