“No One Owes Me Anything.”

In this episode of WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, shares one of her most freeing, hard-earned truths: “No one owes me anything.”

This isn’t about bitterness—it’s about liberation. When you stop waiting for apologies, acknowledgment, or validation, you start reclaiming your energy, your presence, and your peace.

Rooted in the lens of Doug Lennick's "The 3 Buckets" from last week’s episode, this teaching is a powerful next step in emotional ownership. Because the more we let go of what was never ours to control, the more space we create to live fully and freely.

What Listeners Will Learn:
• Why “No one owes me anything” is a mindset—not a wall
• How unmet expectations create emotional captivity
• Why peace fades when we wait for closure, validation, or reciprocity
• The power of Distanced Self-Talk to shift from reaction to regulation
• How to lead with generosity—without keeping score
• A simple, repeatable reset phrase that frees you from emotional debt

Memorable Quotes:
• “No one owes me anything.” — Deanna Ley
• “Because the moment you believe someone owes you something, you've tied your healing to their behavior.”
• “They don't owe you anything. And you don't owe them your peace to earn it.”
• “'No one owes me anything.' isn’t a wall. It’s a doorway.”
• “You don't get smaller when you let go of being owed. You get bigger. Stronger. Lighter.”
• “You stop handing your peace to people who were never meant to carry it.”
• “I'm not owed an apology. I'm not owed validation. I'm not owed understanding. I'm not owed a cheer squad, and I'm not owed a do-over. I am owed nothing. And that means I am free.”
• “This isn’t about hardening your heart. It’s about freeing your soul.”

This episode invites you to set the emotional ledger down—not with anger, but with ownership. Because you don’t need to be owed anything to move forward.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

Well, hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of WORDS MATTER.

Today's words are bold. They might make you pause, and they might even make you push back a little at first. But I want you to sit with them, not just in your mind, but in your body and your soul, too.

I want you to feel what comes up, and I want you to know that if you let these words work on you and in you, they might just change everything.

Here they are.
"No one owes me anything."

Take a breath. Let that settle.

Because this isn't about becoming hardened. It's not about letting people off the hook, and it isn't about pretending that words and actions don't matter. We know that they do.

It's about freedom. Real, deep, soul-liberating freedom.

This phrase started echoing in my mind after I recorded the episode on The 3 Buckets last week. That idea of holding what's yours and releasing what's not — that's really where this idea started to rise.

If you haven't listened to that episode yet, please go back and do so, because this message hits even deeper when you understand that framework first. It's the foundation, and this is the next layer.

Because for so long — maybe even your whole life — you've been walking around with invisible ledgers.
Who should have called.
Who should have apologized.
Who should have shown up when it mattered most.
Who should have said thank you.
Who should have known better.

And every time they didn't, you carried it.

But what if the freedom you've been looking for doesn't come from finally getting what you were owed, but from finally letting go of the idea that you were owed anything at all?

And that's where today's quote comes in.
"No one owes me anything."

Now let's be clear. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't be kind. It doesn't mean that people shouldn't honor their word. It doesn't mean that we should stop caring about integrity, and truth, and love.

It just means we should stop placing our peace in the hands of people who may never deliver.

Because the moment you believe someone owes you something, you've tied your healing to their behavior. You've put your joy in their hands. You've placed your worth on their response. You've made your next step dependent on their next move.

And that's not freedom, friends. That's captivity.

And I want you to hear this — not just as a concept — but something real. Lived. Felt.

Because I've been there. I've walked through the sting of unmet expectations.

And I want to share something personal with you today — because this isn't just theory — it's experience.

Seven years ago, I was deep in the thick of my people-pleasing and codependency — patterns I hadn't yet begun to heal. I was several years into working for a company where I had been leading with my whole heart — a company I had given so much of myself to.

I had built community there. I had shown up again and again and again, putting their mission and the people in it first. I believed in it. I believed in them.

And then one day I was labeled "uncoachable." Not because I wasn't learning or growing and not because I wasn't doing the work, but because the mentor assigned to me wasn't FOR me.

She didn't listen. She didn't ask what I needed. She only cared if I was checking her boxes.

And when I shared that the meetings were making me feel worse, not better, I actually asked to reclaim that time — our meeting time.

And I thought I had handled it with respect and clarity, and I was told it was okay.

Until it got back to me through whispers and sideways comments that I was being talked about. Dismissed. Judged.

"Uncoachable."
Me... the lifelong learner.
The woman who was hungry for real coaching, real connection.
The woman who had shown up and poured in.

It shattered me.

Because at that time I didn't know who I was outside of how others defined me. I was staking my worth on their opinion, their validation, and their approval.

And when they didn't see me or value me, it rocked my world.

But looking back now, I wish I had the words that I'm giving you today.

"No one owes you anything, Deanna."

They didn't owe me kindness, or understanding, or even honesty.

If I had known that — if I had believed that back then — I wouldn't have spent so much time questioning myself.

I wouldn't have internalized their opinions as my truth.

I wouldn't have let their definition of me shake me and my foundation.

I would have stood firm.

Because saying, "This relationship isn't healthy for me." isn't being uncoachable.
It's being clear.
It's being grounded.
It's knowing your worth — and honoring it.

So if you're in a moment like that...

If someone is making you feel small for having boundaries...

If you're second guessing your voice because someone doesn't value it...

Let me say this as clearly as I can:

They don't owe you anything.
And you don't owe them your peace to earn it.

So let's break this down.

Someone hurt you. You're waiting on an apology. Acknowledgement. Ownership.

But what if it never comes?

Do you stay stuck?

Do you keep rehearsing the pain?

Do you hold your breath until they finally see?

...Or do you take your breath back?

You don't need their permission to heal, friend.
You don't need their words to validate your truth.
And you don't need their understanding to let go.

Because they don't owe you that.

And when you release the expectation, they no longer own a piece of you.

Or maybe you gave more than you received.

You were generous, supportive, consistent.
And when it came time for the favor to be returned... silence.

I get it. That stings.

But what if you gave — and not to be repaid — because it was congruent with who you are?

See, you don't give because they deserve it.

You give because you're a giver.

You show up because that's what you do — not because someone owes you gratitude, acknowledgement, or reciprocity.

You live from that place.

You don't keep score.
You don't hold resentment.
You don't perform for approval.

You just LIVE.

And let's take it even deeper.

What happens when you stop needing people to say the right thing?
To get your pain?
To validate your decisions?
To cheer for your growth?

What happens when you stop waiting to be seen — and start seeing yourself?

Because that's what this is really about.

"No one owes me anything." isn't a wall. It's a doorway.

It doesn't disconnect you from others. It reconnects you to yourself.

Because now you get to live freely, not from obligation.
You get to receive fully, not from entitlement.
You get to live rooted in peace, not reaction.

You stop living with your hand out.
You stop begging for closure.
You stop editing your truth so someone else can feel comfortable with your healing.

And no — it's not easy.

Because yes — people should love well. They should show up. They should say sorry. They should do better.

But when you realize they don't owe you that, you also realize you don't have to wait for it to move forward.

It's not about tolerating harm. It's not about being a doormat. It's about taking radical responsibility for your own wholeness.

Because that's the kind of life I want for you.

One where your heart is generous, but not dependent.
One where your love is big, but not desperate.
One where your peace is protected, because you know what's yours.

So if you've been holding a ledger...

If you've been waiting for someone to make it right...

If you've been stuck in the cycle of disappointment replaying all the ways that people have let you down...

Here's your invitation to set it down.

Say it with me — not from anger, but from ownership:
"No one owes me anything."

Now try this... Say it again, but this time in a different voice. Say it out loud like you're speaking to yourself — as a friend, or as a coach, or a truth-teller:
"No one owes you anything."

Feel the shift?

Well, there's actually science behind that. It's called Distanced Self-Talk.

And studies have shown that talking to ourselves in the second person — using the word "you" — can help us manage stress, increase emotional regulation, and tap into a more rational, empowered mindset.

Because sometimes when you say, "I'm fine," you don't believe it.

But when you say — "You've been through worse, and you're still here," — something inside of you softens and strengthens.

See, when I'm in the thick of something, I literally say:
"Deanna, what are you doing right now?"
Or, "Deanna, you've come too far to give your peace away like this."
And now...
"Deanna, no one owes you anything."

It's like I'm reminding myself of the truth out loud.

So try both versions.
"No one owes me anything."
"No one owes you anything."

Whichever one hits harder — use it. Let it become your reset, your anchor, your way back to center.

Because this isn't just a quote — it's a practice.

I'm not owed an apology.
I'm not owed validation.
I'm not owed understanding.
I'm not owed a cheer squad, and I'm not owed a do-over.

I am owed nothing.
And that means I am free.

I'm free.
Free to heal.
Free to hope.
Free to choose.
Free to become.

That's what ownership looks like.

You don't get smaller when you let go of being owed.

You get bigger.
Stronger.
Lighter.

Because when no one owes you anything, you owe it to yourself to rise.
You owe it to yourself to let go.
You owe it to yourself to stop waiting and start living.

And that, my friends, is the shift.

This isn't about hardening your heart.
It's about freeing your soul.

This isn't about giving up on others.
It's about giving back to yourself.

And this isn't about doing life alone.
It's about walking in relationships that are rooted in truth, not transaction.

So take a breath.

Feel the shift.

No one owes me anything.

And from that place, you stop waiting.
You stop proving.
You stop handing your peace to people who were never meant to carry it.

You pick up your power.
You walk forward in freedom.
And you remember that you owe it to yourself to LIVE. Fully. Boldly. Freely. 

Starting now.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear and the words we say to ourselves and about ourselves — about what we're doing and how we're doing it — they all matter.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.
 
Have a great day.