"Joy Is Not Made To Be A Crumb."

This week on WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, brings voice to something we often overlook in our pursuit of healing and growth: joy. The real kind that’s soul-filling. The kind we forget to let ourselves feel.

This episode is rooted in seven powerful words from poet Mary Oliver:
 “Joy is not made to be a crumb.”

Deanna dives into how so many of us treat joy like a reward we haven’t earned — something we postpone until everything is handled, fixed, or perfect. But joy was never meant to be the thing we get after. It’s meant to be part of the during. The fuel — not the fluff.

What Listeners Will Learn:
• Why joy isn’t a luxury or distraction — it’s a necessity
• How we’ve been conditioned to see joy as something earned
• The truth about what happens when we starve ourselves of it
• How to let joy in, even when life is hard
• A beautiful invitation to notice joy in the ordinary and let it settle

Memorable Quotes:
• “Joy is not made to be a crumb.” – Mary Oliver
• “Joy isn’t the opposite of hard. It’s what holds us together in the middle of it.”
• “You are allowed to feel joy. Right now. Just as you are.”
• “There’s no medal for postponing your joy.”
• “Choose the joy.”
• “You deserve more than scraps, friends. You don’t have to wait another day to remember that.”

This episode is your reminder that joy belongs here — now, in the middle of the messy and the beautiful. Because you are not a crumb. And your life wasn’t meant to be lived like one.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of WORDS MATTER. This podcast is where we speak the truth out loud – the kind of truth that clears space, makes room, and helps us see ourselves with more honesty and more compassion. I want to talk about something that often slips through the cracks when we’re deep in the work of healing, and growing, and getting through hard seasons. Joy.

Not the kind you have to fake. For sure not the kind you have to post. And not the kind that needs to be earned, friends. I’m talking about the kind of joy that sneaks up quietly in the middle of an ordinary moment. You know, when something makes you smile, and for a second, you remember what it feels like to feel amazing. The kind of joy that settles into your body and reminds you that you’re still here – still on this wildly spectacular path of Becoming – even if all the pieces around you aren’t quite fitting into place.

Today’s quote is by poet Mary Oliver, and it’s where we’re grounding ourselves.
“Joy is not made to be a crumb.”

Sit with that one. Because what if we’ve been feeding ourselves scraps – and calling it enough? So many of us have been trained to see joy as a bonus – something that we only get after the work is done, after the house is clean, after you’ve moved all the to-dos to done, after you’ve proven yourself to others, after things feel a lot more in control. And in the meantime?

We push the joy that surrounds us at all times away. We tell ourselves to wait. To focus. To just keep going. We forget how to let ourselves soak joy in even for a moment. I know. I’ve done it. More times than I care to admit.

I’ve had seasons where I’ve moved so fast and carried so much that even when a joy-filled moment found me, I didn’t know how to hang on to it. I’d smile, maybe, but I wouldn’t let it sink fully in. It felt like there wasn’t time or I didn’t have the right to feel good when there was still so much undone. So much unsettled. But the truth is… Joy isn’t the opposite of hard. It’s what holds us together in the middle of it.

It doesn’t mean everything’s fine and it for sure doesn’t erase what still needs healing. But it keeps us from going numb. It keeps us tethered to things that matter – to beauty, laughter, presence, people. To ourselves. And when we ignore it? We cut ourselves off from something we need to be whole in our mind, our body, and our soul.

Joy isn’t fluff, friends. It’s not frivolous, and it’s for sure not a distraction. It’s fuel.

It steadies us on the days that feel like too much. It connects us to our humanity, even when everything feels rote and robotic. It’s what reminds us that we’re alive – not just functioning, but truly living. So let’s stop shrinking our joy. What do you say? Let’s stop saving it for later.

Let’s stop treating it like it only counts when it’s earned because you don’t have to wait until the work is done, or the healing is complete, or the storm passes.

Joy can live right here – right now – alongside all of it.

And sometimes… it’s in the smallest of things. The warmth of sunlight through a window. A deep breath that actually settles your entire body. The sound of a laugh that catches you off guard. A memory that still makes you smile. How about that first cup of coffee in the silence before the day begins?

Sometimes joy looks like honoring our peace over our productivity. Sometimes it’s choosing rest instead of pushing through. And sometimes it’s allowing yourself to feel something good even when everything else feels heavy.

And none of that needs to be explained, defended, or earned. You are allowed to feel joy. Right now. Today. Just as you are. Not because everything is perfect, but because you are still here. Still doing the work. Still showing up day in and day out for others – and for yourself. Because deep down you do know that it’s all worth it. Because YOU are worth it.

So if you’ve been cutting joy down – telling yourself, “I’ll get to it later” – I want to offer you this.

There’s no medal for postponing your joy. There’s no destination you have to arrive at to enjoy each day. And there’s no strength in starving yourself of what your soul needs to truly live.

Joy was never meant to be a crumb. It was never meant to be the thing you get if and when and only after. It was meant to be a part of the process. Part of the healing. Part of the day.

So friends, my encouragement for you today is to find joy in your journey – every step of the way. Let it in. Make friends with it. Help it to become a part of you in whatever way feels right, simple, real.

Light the candle.
Take the walk.
Open the window.
Watch the sky.
Feel the sun.
Breathe the air.
Hear the sounds.
Taste the moment.
Savor the stillness.
Notice the sparkle.
Follow the nudge.
Catch the whisper.
Trace the memory.
Say the thing.
Speak the truth.
Write the words.
Dance the dance.
Play the song.
Laugh the laugh.
Name the dream.
Cry the tears.
Touch the truth.
Claim the morning.
Routine the evening.
Stretch the edge.
Shake the dust.
Stand the ground.
Rest the body.
Anchor the breath.
Tend the hurt.
Water the roots.
Own the space.
Take the seat.
Say the yes.
Say the no.
Feel the rhythm.
Live the pause.
Hold the gaze.
Wear the color.
Ask the question.
Free the voice.
Soften the grip.
Mark the mile.
Walk the edge.
Live the question.
Bless the Becoming.
Honor the longing.
Gather the courage.
Trust the knowing.
Spark the soul.
Chase the spark.
Choose the joy.
Let it matter.

Let it move you toward a more joyful and joy-filled life – not because you’ve done enough, but because you’re already enough.
And because joy is not just allowed here. It’s needed here.

And you deserve more than scraps, friends. You don’t have to wait another day to remember that.

“Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
And neither are you.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear, and the words we say to ourselves and about ourselves – about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it – they all matter.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

Have a great day.