"I DON'T Do Can't."

This week on WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, shares a moment from behind the scenes of finishing her first book, ROOTED: Your 30 Day Journey Toward Whole-Self Health. What started as frustration and exhaustion turned into a reminder that words don’t just describe our reality – they define it.

“I DON’T DO CAN’T.”

Born from a breaking point, that phrase became Deanna’s own Empowered Refusal — a concept she first heard from Marie Forleo, based on research by Dr. Vanessa Patrick. The study found that saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” changes how the brain processes decisions, strengthening conviction and follow-through.

This episode reminds us that language shapes identity and that the words we choose — especially in the hard moments — can either drain our strength or call it back to life.

What Listeners Will Learn:
• The science behind the Empowered Refusal and how it builds self-trust
• Why “I don’t” is more powerful than “I can’t”
• How to reclaim your authority through intentional language
• Why empowered words create sustainable confidence and follow-through
• How to use “I DON’T DO CAN’T” as a daily anchor in hard seasons

Memorable Quotes:
• “I DON’T DO CAN’T.” - Deanna Ley
• “‘I can’t’ sounds like restriction, but ‘I don’t’ says, ‘This is who I am, and this is what I choose.’”
• “Our words tell our brains what’s possible.”
• “Empowered Refusals build conviction, confidence, and follow-through.”
• “Each time you shift from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I don’t,’ you’re reminding your brain of who’s in charge.”
• “Say it until you feel it. Let it anchor you. Let it remind you that you always have another choice.”
• “I don’t do can’t. I do courage. I do persistence. I do returning to myself, even when it’s hard.”

When life feels heavy and doubt whispers “you can’t,” this episode is your reminder that you can, you will, you must, and you are — because the words you speak to yourself will always lead the way.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

❤️❤️❤️

Transcript

Hey there, friends! Welcome back to WORDS MATTER. 

Today's quote is one that came straight out of my own mouth in a moment when I needed to hear it most last week. See, I'm deep in the final editing process for my new book — ROOTED: Your 30 Day Journey Toward Whole-Self Health — which, by all of my expectations, yeah, was supposed to be done by now.

It's been a long, long process — way more arduous than I thought it would be. It's November. I had myself believing that I'd be well into the exciting phase of what launching your first book looks like and all the fun things that go along with that. But, nope. I'm still in the thick of it. Feeling like I'm trudging uphill through thick mud with weights around both ankles. Yep. It's been tough.

I sit down to work and feel pulled in every direction. Every time I fix one thing, something else unravels that now needs my attention. I read a chapter that once felt solid, and then start to question every line of it. It's exhausting and emotional — and, honestly, heavier than I thought it would be. There goes my unrealistic expectations that I'm still healing. Yeah, in real time.

Now, one day last week I was in the middle of one of those never-ending editing days, and I was so fed up on the verge of tears that I said out loud, “I can’t do this anymore.” 

The second those words came out, I felt them with every fiber of my being. I was actually caught off guard with how defeatist they were. It shocked me. Shook me to my core. 

Those words — “I can’t do this anymore”… They didn’t sound like me. They didn’t belong to me. And almost as quickly as they came, another voice rose up — louder and more rebellious — and it said, “I DON’T DO CAN’T.” Now that sentence stopped me right there where I was. Not as a slogan, but a truth I already knew rising up to the surface to remind me of who I am.

I first heard about what's called the Empowered Refusal from Marie Forleo when she was a guest at Matthew McConaughey's Art of Livin’ event back in April of 2023. It struck a chord with me the moment I heard about it, and it's been part of my coaching ever since.

Marie explained how a study by Dr. Vanessa Patrick, a professor at the University of Houston, explored the difference between saying, “I can’t,” and saying, “I don’t.” The research — published in the Journal of Consumer Research — found that when people say, “I don’t,” they were far more successful at sticking with their commitments.

When participants said, “I don’t eat sugar” or “I don’t skip workouts,” they followed through almost three times more often than those who said “no” and nearly eight times more often than people who said, “I can’t.” 

Now Marie described “I don’t” as a phrase of power — a statement of identity and choice. Think about it. “I can’t” sounds like restriction, like something imposed by someone else, but “I don’t” — it says, “This is who I am, and this is what I choose.”

That difference matters because our words tell our brains what’s possible. They define whether we see ourselves as victims of circumstance or as the ones actually steering the ship.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. “I can’t” made me feel powerless. “I DON’T DO CAN’T” pulled me right back into ownership. It’s not denial. It’s not pretending the hard parts aren’t hard. But it is reclaiming your ability to choose how you respond when life gets lifey. Because the truth of it is, I wanted to quit.

I was tired. I was questioning everything — the purpose of the book, the point of the work, the value of my own words. And that old voice showed up again, whispering, “You’re done. You can’t do this.” But that’s not who I am.

I don’t quit, and I don’t do I can’t. See, that phrase pulled me back to myself. It reminded me of what I know deep in my bones that I share with you all the time... WORDS MATTER. I know that I know that I know that the words we use feed our whole-self — mind, body, and soul. They shape how we think, how we move, how we live. Where we get ourselves into trouble is when we sit audience to the thoughts that don’t serve us.

We let them take center stage and run the show. That’s what I used to do. I would let fear and doubt deliver their speeches until I believed them. But not this time. The moment I said, “I can’t do this anymore,” I kicked that thought off the stage of my mind and took my power back by saying, “I DON’T DO CAN’T.” And that single choice changed the entire energy of that moment.

I closed my laptop. I walked around my house. I cried. I breathed. And when I came back, I sat down and opened my computer and said out loud, “I CAN. I WILL. I MUST. I AM.” And something shifted. My focus returned. The words came easier. I wasn’t fighting anymore.

Dr. Patrick’s research confirmed what I’ve always felt: language rewires the brain. Empowered Refusals build conviction, confidence, and follow-through. They strengthen the part of us that keeps going when willpower fades. That’s why “I DON’T DO CAN’T” holds so much strength. It doesn’t erase difficulty. It gives you the authority within it.

When someone says, “I can’t eat that,” it sounds like punishment, doesn’t it? “I don’t eat that” sounds like intention. It’s saying, “I choose what fuels me.” 

When someone says, “I can’t rest yet. There’s too much to do” — that’s guilt. But “I don’t trade my health for busyness” — that’s alignment. 

When someone says, “I can’t say no,” they’re usually afraid of disappointing someone. But “I don’t say yes when it costs my peace” — that’s strength.

When someone says, “I can’t start over,” that’s fear. “I don’t give up on myself” — now that’s faith. 

Maybe you’ve thought, “I can’t take another step.” Well, your Empowered Refusal can whisper, “I don’t stop here.”

Maybe it’s “I can’t forgive myself.” Your Refusal can remind you, “I don’t live chained to the past.” 

Maybe it’s “I can’t handle one more thing.” Allow your Refusal to declare, “I don’t collapse when life gets heavy.”

Each time you shift from “I can’t” to “I don’t,” you’re changing your relationship with yourself. You’re reminding your brain of who’s in charge.

When I look at what I’m walking through right now — this editing process, this in-the-mess-of-it work — I see it differently. It’s not trying to break me down. It’s working hard to build something stronger in me. We know that every growth season has a point where you want to walk away. But that point isn’t failure, friends. It’s your threshold of change.

And when you reach it, let these words rise up in you. “I DON’T DO CAN’T.” Say it until you feel it. Let it anchor you. Let it remind you that you always have another choice inside of you. You always have the ability to take one more step. I DON’T DO CAN’T. I do courage. I do persistence. I do returning to myself, even when it’s hard.

Because each time I do, I come back to my truth. I remember who I am, what I’m capable of, and what matters to me — why it matters, and why I even started in the first place. And I hope you’ll start speaking your truths out through Empowered Refusals too.

When doubt creeps in or when the road feels long, say, “I DON’T DO CAN’T” out loud and let it remind you that you are able, that what you want is possible, and that you’re stronger than the story that’s trying to stop you.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear, and the words we say to ourselves — about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it — they all matter. 

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER. 

Have a great day.